Graduation

I can't believe it's almost over.

In 2 days I will be finished with my last exam of undergrad. In 5 days I will officially be a graduate.

Don't get me wrong, it has definitely felt like 4 years. It's not like the time flew.
It's just strange thinking that it's almost over. This school, this place, these people, have become such a huge part of my life that its weird to think that I am moving on... that they will be gone, out of reach, forever.

I'm not sad that I'm losing friends. I doubt that I will lose anyone worth keeping. I managed to stay in touch with those I cherished the most in high school, and I don't think things will be much different now. However, it has finally struck me that I'm actually moving on. That my surroundings will change. That the people I rely on for support will change. That, in all actuality, life will change.

It's a strange feeling. Haunting, even.

The end of an era.
As I wrote once about, something much less life-changing, Harry Potter: it's a terrible and wonderful thing, the end of an era. To say goodbye to something that signaled such a significant part of your life; Something that has changed you for the better.

I can definitely say that undergrad was an immense change for me.

I started, not knowing a soul, desperate to break free from the high-school I hated, dating someone because of some sort of ill-conceived rebellion against my parents. As college progressed, I evolved from the silly, devil-may-care, rebel-without-a-cause teenager that had begun the process--intelligent,  but without direction-- to someone who was willing to tackle any challenge, who was willing to dedicate their whole-self, when they found direction. I broke up with the boyfriend born of rebellion, and found myself embracing my single-years, devoting myself to excellence and the pursuit of a career.

Here I am, 4 years later. In the time that's progressed, I've managed to make many friends, as well as to grow separate from them in times that called for high academic excellence. I've created a complete definition of what I consider a "good friend" to be, a far progression from the children I adopted as friends in high school. I've figured out what I hope to do; I've developed a sense of purpose; and I've learned what my definition of personal-fulfillment is. I found, last year, the person who defied my expectation of relationships: someone who I considered an equal, my best friend, who I enjoyed every moment of, and who would not impede my dreams or career. Someone I could see a future with, potentially.

It's been a wonderful time, filled with wonderful people, and even better experiences.

I've taken this for granted in the past few months. So focused on the next step: law school, where to live, how to best be prepared, etc... that I forgot to embrace the wonderful things that have shaped me to this path. So focused on the idea that I may finally be moving closer to this person who has redefined my perception of what "love" is, that I forgot how much I love my friends.

I've been foolish. And perhaps this is the last lesson undergrad has to teach me: nothing is forever, don't get so caught up in "the plan" that you forget the people who have made it worth it to begin with.

I'm not worried about losing friends. I've remained friends with those I've moved away from before. We may not talk as much, but they are still invaluable to me as people. I know that this will continue with the people I have been closest to in the last four years. What I'm worried about is that, because I am a rather cold person to begin with, I have not expressed to these people how much they mean to me. And especially because I am moving across the country this time, not merely 4 hours away, letting them know this is incredibly important.

So despite the fact that I still have an exam left, this next week will be dedicated to making the most of what is left of my time here at UF. I hope everyone who has graced my life knows how much they have changed me, how much they mean to me, and how much they will affect my future. If they don't, the next five days will be dedicated to ensuring they do.

In all kinds of weather, we all stick together...... for F-L-O-R-I-D-A.

(No. I'm not crying now. I swear)

I had a passion, but...

http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_have_a_great_career.html

This video did me a great service. It helped reaffirm my position on putting career before a family, as well as to reassure me that the risk I'm taking is worth the reward in the long run. To roughly paraphrase: people who actually find their passion, something they love, always find an excuse not to do it. It's usually the risk involved. Or the work. Or fear.

I will not allow myself to be the kind of person that will say "I have a passion and want a truly great career, but I'm afraid of the educational debt."
Or, "I have a passion and want a truly great career, but I'm afraid of the competition."
Or, "I have a passion and want a truly great career, but I got too caught up in being afraid of failing, that I never put my best effort forward."

Sometimes,  for many people who have found their passion, their excuse is that "I have a passion and want a truly great career, but I want to be a great friend/parent/lover."

And what do you tell that child of yours when he comes before you saying he has a passion, he has a passion he wants to be a magician. "Oh that's risky"? "Oh I had a dream once too, but it was too risky and I wanted to be smart about it"? "I had a dream once too... but then I had you"?

How can you justify being a great parent when that is all you can say? How can you justify being a great parent when you can't even set yourself up to be a great role model. I've gotten a lot of slack, especially lately, about the fact that I plan on putting my career before my family. That the "vanity" of career is taking over "good ol'fashioned family values." 


But in my opinion, every great parent should have followed their passion before having kids. Every great parent should be able to say, "Follow your dreams kid, just like me."

And this is why I will never be ashamed to say I put my career first, before I decide if I want a family.

So Easily Forgotten

School hasn't even begun yet, and I'm already so caught up in the fear of "doing well" that I forgot what drew me here to begin with. Some things to keep in mind when the going gets tough:

• You're studying law because you love it. Beyond the career aspirations, beyond the grades, this stuff fascinates you. Those long 13+ hour days in the legal library reading law review articles to write 30 page papers on civil liberties and judicial decision making were some of the best days of your life. 
• You love to be busy. If you cannot say you studied or worked a full day without stopping, you feel unaccomplished. Some call you a workaholic, but this is what will get you through.
• You're moving to a new town, with new people, and finally studying something new. Novel is wonderful and exciting. As long as it isn't too distracting, this will improve your mood.
• You have a wonderful and supportive love-friend who you will, after 9 months now, finally be much closer to. When all else fails, he will only be an hour away. If he was able to help from over 1400 miles, a 50 minute drive will be nothing.
• Was dich nicht umbringt, macht dich starker.

Never forget the love of learning that will pull you through this. Focus on testing well, sure. But if you remember that you truly love studying the law, that you enjoy every minute of those long hours, that you actually want to absorb every bit of it for personal fulfillment rather than some arbitrary grade, then, and only then, will you truly have mastered the concepts. Test well, and the grades will follow.

With that said, I've scratched LEEWS and Delaney from my pre-law school prep. I'll read GTM since everyone recommends it, but I think I'm much more suited reading a book about improving your legal writing, or the theoretical policy concepts behind the law. Something I'll actually enjoy, but is a little more light-hearted than actual substantive casebooks.

Starting School Jitters

The realization that law school is coming, and its coming fast is here, and it's hit hard. I have begun doing what every 1L inevitably does, but much later in the semester: panicking over grades.

Assuming every student goes in with the same mind set that they have to be above median, assuming every student puts in the same amount of work that I do to reach that goal, that I have, statistically, a 50% shot at being above median.

That is a scary sentiment. 50%. That's it. 

Now, this ignores a variety of other factors, many of which are subjective. Assuming LSAT is at all related to law school performance (I don't think it is), then I'm above 75% of the students. Assuming my coming straight out of undergrad will affect my ability to settle down and study effectively, this also puts me at an advantage. Assuming that drive, determination, etc are subjective: well, those are the intangibles that could make the difference. 

The median at my school, as it is at many similar schools, is a B+. Meaning anything below that is below median. The scary thing is, I, of course, want more than just to be at median or above median. I desperately want to be on Law Review. I want to clerk out of law school. I want to do federal appellate litigation. I want to one day become a judge. 

Median isn't sufficient for any of these. Maybe top-third. But certainly not median. 

But if we're just speaking statistically, my odds are slim. I'm sure there are other students who have similar goals, students willing to work just as hard. And if I'm at median.... or worse, below, which is equally statistically possible... I need a back up.

This is causing quite a deal of panic. I would love to be a prosecutor as a back up, which could also lead to a judgeship... but those positions also require good grades. Other than that... I could work unemployment law, labor laws, public interest work. Those were my passion areas, the things that drove me to consider law school to begin with. I could be very happy doing that. I suppose only time will tell if I will need the back ups. For now, complete focus.

Remember: I want to learn the law, and how to apply it. Grades are a secondary function of this. If I want to be a truly great judge or attorney, I should have these skills down cold. If I have these skills down cold, I am more likely to succeed.

To future me: if you look back at this post at the end of the semester, and find yourself at or below median, just remember, you want to be a lawyer. It isn't about the money. Don't get depressed and lose focus, just keep pushing yourself.

To Do Before Law School

0L Prep


I know its discouraged, but I'd at least like to get some done. I'd like to check out

1. Getting to Maybe
2. Delaney's Learning Legal Reasoning
3. Delaney's How to do your best on Law School Exams
4. Law School Confidential

From the University's library.

I will also borrow LEEWS from a friend and try to watch that in the next 8 weeks. I'll keep some generic notes, things to remember on here. Otherwise, given both my limited time and desire to maintain my sanity, I'm keeping prep to a minimum.

Part of me almost bought E&Es for Torts and Contracts the other day, since I found out from schmoozing with professors at the accepted students weekend that those would be my two substantial classes (other than legal research, writing and advocacy) this summer. I'm keeping away from that kind of prep. While some preparation may ease my anxiety, these 8 weeks are for relaxing.

There are a few other unrelated things I want to get done as well:

1. Maintain a steady sleep schedule BEFORE school starts---this means limiting those late nights drinking!
2. Continue losing weight: I've heard horror stories about the things 1L does to people's bodies.
3. Establish a workout regimen to be kept during 1L. Exercise keeps you healthy and alert. It'll also be an excellent and needed break from studying once school starts.
4. Finalize subleasing my apartment, and housing options by law school
5. Finish packing for a 1600 mile move (This seems even more stressful than 1L right now)

Remaining Undergrad Matters


I'm having a hard time maintaining focus now that I'm already shifted into the: getting ready for law school mentality. I'm still trying to keep focused so that I don't completely disregard my final exams, but that's getting increasingly harder. I got my Phi Beta Kappa invitation in the mail last week, making the regard for final exams even less pressing. Things to remember to focus on:

1. Set up appointments to speak with and thank faculty members who have made a significant difference in my education and future career.
2. Be prepared for the mock trial tournament. Its in two weeks. This is important
3. Rent cap and gown, send out invitations 
4. Finish final papers in advance of exams

On New Beginnings: Law School, Summer Start, and Anxiety

And so it begins.

Not the most engaging or romantic start to what will probably otherwise... well... will also not be a very engaging or romantic blog. But so it goes.

We start in the middle of things, post LSAT stress, post admissions cycle, and we end up here: April 9th, 4 weeks until graduation. Only 8 weeks until I start Law School. 

Yes, you heard it right, 8 weeks. Only because I chose a summer start program at a very prestigious school (and in saying that, considering only one does such a thing, I have probably already given that school away). I was given the option of switching to fall, and I refused. If that isn't the first sign that I'm a masochist, I don't know what is.

The decision wasn't always built off masochism, however. It came from a lot of self-searching, and a lot of talking to anyone and everyone who I thought could give decent advice about whether or not starting in the summer was a good idea. Ultimately, it came down to two things:

1. Would starting in the summer increase my chances of burnout and ruin my potential for success?
2. Would starting in the summer give me a leg up in anyway?

The answers turned out to be sort of.. and yes. From almost everyone I talked to.

1. Starting in the summer meant two things: jumping in right out of undergrad, and 3 straight semesters of law school.

Another 3 years of school without a break. Luckily, this last semester of undergrad has been part time. It has felt like a summer vacation as is. I've always been the kind of person who needs to be busy, and now feel that I am more than ready for a new challenge.
The former summer starters I spoke with said that spring of next year will be where the burn out really kicks in. This is particularly unfortunate, since that is when the Law Review competition starts. I'm considering potentially taking a clinic (if I can get one) that semester, or perhaps a lighter load to enhance my GPA for On Campus Interviews come the following August. Two birds, one stone.

2. Would the summer give me a leg up? 

The answer, across the board, seemed to be yes. Summer starters have a lighter load in the summer (3 classes instead of 4). Summer starters have less distractions. Summer starters have a GPA before applying for 1L jobs. Summer starters have extra classes to boost their GPA before OCI. Summer starters can apply for off-plan clerkships before everyone else.

Now of course, all of these legs up require one thing: doing well. 

And herein lays my anxiety. Am I prepared? Will I ever be prepared? With 8 weeks left and my current apartment in disarray as I prepare to move, the questions begin to arise.

I've heard that 0L prep isn't helpful, but I can't help but think I'm sacrificing a valuable summer to get ready for law school. I'm also worried that sacrificing this summer will sacrifice the potential for a new bullet point on my resume, which could hurt in the 1L job hunt. I'm terrified that while I'm going to a truly great school with a scholarship, the debt I will still be acquiring will be with me for a very long time.

I can't imagine that these worries will simply disappear once school starts. In fact, I imagine that as things progress I will need to write down and organize my thoughts more and more. And so, In Forma Pauperis was created.

What are my intentions for this blog? 


Well I hope in some ways it becomes a number of things:

1. A way to rant, and perhaps to maintain my sanity
2. A reminder of my priorities, a way of keeping things organized
3. A calculator of expenses, to keep the budget, and the debt, low
4. A journal of musings, both law and nerd passion related
5. A potential source of useful information for those who intend to jump into the fray that is law school one day

I can't guarantee on any of these. In fact, I can't guarantee I will even post. I've always been terrible at keeping a journal, and I'd imagine with the time constraints that is law school I will only get worse. Only time will tell.

But for now, keep on keeping on. More ramblings to come.